I don’t know whether to love or hate these looks.
Don’t worry ladies, there’s not much difference because I make fun of you either way.
In theory, Charlize Theron’s dress is very pretty. But this look annoys me. It’s a little bit fey, and I don’t mean Tiny Fey. Theron is too old for this look. She looks like Paris Hilton in that headband. The color of the dress is pretty, and again, I like it in theory. I just don’t like how she played it. And her red carpet face always annoys me.
Let me be the first to say that I love me some Zooey Deschanel. New Girl is the best new comedy on TV; it’s cute and hilarious and I love the characters.
Her new shorter, blunter hair cut debut here is kind of shockingly different because she has had the same long, curled, precious ‘do for so long now. She always looks great, though. However, I cannot get on board with this dress. It looks like wall art that you buy at Ikea. I don’t get it, although I imagine this look has something to do with Zooey Deschanel being sick of Zooey Deschanel. Sometimes she brings so much little-girl retro cuteness that it can be a bit much. One can’t be that all the time. She still looks retro here, but this is much more modern-mod that her usually 60′s dolly girl look. So I respect her for surprising me. She went through a divorce this year (from Ben Gibbard of Death Cab for Cutie) and I feel like this is some kind of grief-process statement of independence and self-growth. And I support moments like that, even if I don’t fully appreciate them.
I have no idea who this person is, but I think she was nominated for Best Bette Midler teeth and also worst shoes. She gets on my maybe-list because I am a sucker for a yellow dress with red lips, but no one has ever done it better than Michelle Williams in marigold at the 2006 Academy Awards and no one ever will:
Diane Kruger pretty much copied Michelle for the 2010 SAG Awards, but I love Diane Kruger, because she’s really silly despite looking like she wouldn’t be (yes, I pre-judge gorgeous people and assume that they are boring). Stalk her on Youtube sometime, she’s hilarious, smart, and gives great interview.
I really only like the feathery bottom half of Evan Rachel Woods’ dress. I don’t know if the gown makes her able to fly or swim (it looks like it could do both), but I’m pretty sure this dress would help her get away from Marilyn Manson if that ever became an issue again and that’s a good thing. Also, giiiirl that hair looks like it needs some toner and an avocado mask, stat.
I have no idea who this Taissa Farmiga person is, but she looks like Vera Farmiga, so I’m guessing this is her kid her sister. And even though she looks like she’s wearing a fancy bandage, I still approve of this dress because it is kind of a pretty pink. And I’m a sucker. Nice 7th grade year book photo hair.
I don’t normally go crazy for purple, but the cut of this dress looks great on Susan Lucci…oops, I mean Madeleine Stowe.
Wait, what in the home of Hades is that going on with the train? Uuuugh Imma pretend I dittin’ see that. Except that I CANNOT.
The dress is interesting. The top looks too ice-capades, but the bottom is pretty. However, I can’t judge it on its true merits based on the fact that I cannot stand Lea Michele. You know she’s exactly like Rachel, you know it! What is with that baby diva pose? She looks off-kilter and uncomfortable, like she put in her Diva Cup wrong.
I don’t hate Kate Winslet in this dress, but I’m tired of the black and white she always wears. She bores the hell out of me. I miss the old Kate–remember the Titanic-era awards season? Also, something is going on with the eyes. You know what they say, The eyes have it. And by “it” I mean Botox.
Mila Kunis’s dress doesn’t look awful, it’s just kinda meh. Kind of like the look on her face. Also, that tan is a little too spray-on.
Salma Hayek’s chest looks like an amphitheater. I think the Golden Globes were hosted inside her art-deco chichis.
I feel like Kate Beckinsale and Charlize have the same stylists. I’m sick of the nude-colored dress with the spray-tan skin look. I hate the cut of the neckline because it’s a bit wedding-ish to me. But I love the beading. That part is beautiful. It looks very well made. Just like her teeth.
This isn’t terrible, but I’m not a huge fan of black dresses in general, and especially redheads in black. Gingerchild Debra Messing, wear a color. And her smile annoys me, even though I kind of like how dumb and happy she looks. The smile doesn’t go with the dress. And I hate the ruching.
Frieda Pinto, I love this color and the gold necklace, but I hate the fabric and the stupid cut.
Jessica Chastain, I like you in general, I liked you in The Tree of Life, and love how your body looks in this dress. She’s got lovely curves. And I love the vintage texture of this dress. But the hair, the neckline, and the awful Golden Girls earrings are not working for me.
I kind of like the pattern and the bottom half of Sharon Osbourne’s dress. I really do like the black and white roses. I just wish it was more old-school Hollywood glam and on someone else entirely. Then it would be gorgeous.
Oh, for Amanada Peet’s sake! I don’t totally hate it and I understand what she was going for, but it didn’t work. Bad lace, bad satin, bad fit, bad hair, bad makeup, bad bracelet. But I loved her in Igby Goes Down a million years ago, and also that show Jack and Jill that got canceled pretty much right away. I haven’t seen her since then in anything except the worst movie I’ve ever seen ever, 2012. God, may this year be nothing like that movie, and I’m not even talking about that whole end-of-the-world thing.
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